The mouse cursor on my screen crept closer to the "sell" button on my online broker account. I had been watching the stock market all day with bated breath and had seen a big chunk of my portfolio disappear before my very eyes. My thoughts turned to the many long hours I had worked to accumulate that money to put away and build a modest retirement nest egg. Now, in the worst stock market crash the world has seen since the Great Financial Crisis, the money was disappearing fast. It was painful to watch, and I wanted the pain to end. I knew that by selling now that I would be locking in a loss and all those many hours of work would be lost along with it.
The numbers continued to nose-dive and I decided that I needed to take a breather. The sun was shining that March 2020 day, and I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. My work schedule had been wiped clean that week due to the mounting fear of the pandemic, leaving me the time to obsess over my portfolio. Everyone was afraid to leave their home. The streets were abandoned, and the emptiness only served to heighten the fear and dread I had felt watching all my investments turn red in my brokerage account. I walked to a nearby park and sat on a bench. I closed my eyes and, as I've done many times before, settled into a meditation. I focused on my breath. Intrusive thoughts of the impending apocalypse, and the gutting of my retirement savings flashed in my mind. I focused my mind on my breath. The thoughts kept coming and I continued to focus every morsel of my attention on the cool spring air coming in through my nostrils. I continued this for what must've been 10 or 15 minutes. When my meditation came to an end, triggered by the sound of an ambulance in the distance, I glanced at my phone and realized that it was past 4 PM and the market had closed for the day.
My portfolio had continued to hemorrhage money as I meditated. The losses continued for days to come. It was painful to watch, but I continued my routine of going to the park and meditating on that bench. I didn't press the "sell" button on my brokerage account. Instead, I even pressed "buy" a few times in those weeks, adding investments to my portfolio (at what turned out to be amazing discounts). By the end of March, even with the pandemic still raging and fear all around, my portfolio was back to where it was before that jaw-dropping decline. It would even go on to make greater gains in the coming months.
Now, don't get me wrong, I don't consider myself to be a particularly savvy investor. I've read a few books and heard people much smarter than me extol the virtues of buying and holding even through the tumultuous ups and downs of the market.
What helped me actually follow through on this advice were the ideas that have been percolating in my head in the past months as I had been learning about Buddhism. I credit those park bench meditations as what stopped me from locking in the incredible losses of that stock market crash in March 2020. With those meditations, I was able to step away from all of the anxious thoughts of watching my portfolio decline. I was able to centre myself and live in the present moment, where things were a little more OK.
It was through those difficult days that I started to realize the importance of mindfulness and Buddhism in my life and, in particular, my investing life.
Since that time, I have continued my journeys in the investing world and spirituality. I have been continually struck by the dialogue between both worlds, which seem, on the surface, to be so diametrically opposed. "What's Buddhist about investing in the stock market?" A close friend of mine had asked. My quick answer to him was "everything." And I meant it. There wasn't one thing about investing that Buddhism didn't have something to say about.
In this Substack, I want to explore the many connections between Buddhism and investing. I have learned so much about investing through the lens of Buddhism, and likewise about Buddhism through the lens of investing. In many ways, investing is the perfect training ground for Buddhism in my life--it continually presents me with challenging situations that, with the Buddha's gentle guidance, I am a little more skillful at navigating.
It is not my goal, in writing this blog, to convert people to Buddhism or to a particular style of investing. I merely want to document a journey of discovery. I invite you to join me.